About

Ellyn Robare
Western, MA

Bio: I am a 22 year old female who will be receiving my undergraduate degree in hopefully a few short weeks (hopefully no longer than 2 months)! I will have my Bachelor of Science in Public Health from the University of Massachusetts Amherst. I plan to apply to accelerated nursing programs to earn my BSN (Bachelor of Science in Nursing) and then continue on to a master’s degree within the nursing field. Besides being a full time college student, I am a 22 year old young woman who has been living in chronic pain for the past 9 years. Although many would look at me as though I am a healthy, happy, young, kindhearted, outgoing young woman, my daily life is a battle. It is a battle that I continue to fight, regardless of how difficult my days, weeks, months or years may seem. Due to living almost half of my life in chronic pain, I also suffer from severe depression and anxiety, an eating disorder, and have had two total jaw joint replacements within the past 2 years, all due to an unknown autoimmune illness that caused my original jaw joints to quickly deteriorate. During my first replacement my Maxillofacial Surgeon used two of my ribs and unfortunately that failed within 5 months due to excess bone forming over the left joint and fusing the joint to fuse closed. Six months later, I was going through the long and grueling process of having my two titanium joints made. They were put in on December 20th 2011, only 14 months after the rib surgery had taken place. Although I did not think I'd survive even my first days during my teens when it all began and the pain became debilitating, I did. I did not think I would be able to handle the pain, agony and recovery of my first minor surgery, but I did. I honestly feared that I would not have the strength and courage within me to have two ribs sawed out and screwed into my face, but I somehow survived that too. When I found out that the rib replacement surgery had failed me only a few short months into recovery, I thought there was no possible way I would be able to play the "waiting game" of having my prosthetic joints made and survive the daily pain, never mind survive and recover from the 11 hour surgery that I was told would be worse than the rib replacement. The great news is I have survived the past 9 years, the past 3 surgeries, and most importantly, this life that I feel as though I have lost complete control of. For those of you choosing to follow my blog, for any reason at all, will most likely to be able to relate if your life too has been "taken" from you and is now controlled and dictated by things such as chronic pain, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, addiction to medications, or whatever your battles and obstacles may be. Whether only one thing or something as complex or even more complicated than mine, you too can gain control over a life you feel as though you have lost control of. For others, you may choose to follow to hopefully be inspired and intrigued, to follow my journey and watch as I hopefully regain control over my life, the one dream I have had for so many years. It may not be tomorrow, within the next several months, or on one of my next "anniversaries," but I know the day will come. Not only because I have continued to have faith and believe, but because I am a determined, courageous, kindhearted, inspirational, and motivated young lady who deserves to have control over my life, as I did so many years ago, and so do all of you. As I often have to remind myself, I have come much too far to give up now, especially when there is still so much hope of gaining control and living a happy, healthy, beautiful and less painful life. So to everyone who chooses to follow my hopeful road to recovery or chooses to take this journey with me, here’s to Learning to Live.

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